Langrisser Projects

I’m very sorry for the time. I found very few things.

1. “Humans, humans … / Just accept the inevitable / and allow me my victory!” This is said by a Vampire. Should be in Creepy font and less personal. Consider: “… Just accept the inevitable, / Master Boser will rule all!”

2. Boser talks about the humans in Sonya’s village, “they believed a half-demon / caused an imaginary plague …” Was the plague not real? Suggest “devastating,” just to suggest something :/

3. Boser: “Bah hah hah! / What a bunch of faggots” This is said at the end of a dialog with Egbert, and is repeated at the end of another dialog with Vargas. It might be intentional.

4. Vargas: “Corrupting this world / won’t protect my beloved / wife and daughter!” Uhm, duh? If you think about it a little bit, you realise it’s a pretty bad sentence. “I won’t let my beloved / wife and daughter glimpse / your corrupted world!” perhaps.

5. During the ending sequence, Rohga still says “make your life miserable” instead of “lives.”

THANKS!

I finished my exam today~! Anyway:

1) In Scenario 17(28) when Boser was defeated by Bernhardt and gets Alhazard taken from him:

Boser: Do what with it whatever you please…
->I’m not sure whether this is actually correct but I would omit the ‘what’ or simply say “Do whatever you please with it…”

2) When Jessica says that she’s gonna have to get near to Bernhardt:

Aaron: Do you think you’ll walk away from the attempt?

-> I don’t know why but when I saw that I got the impression that she was gonna walk/turn away from her attempt lol….

I understand that the intention was meant to be along the lines of “Do you think that you’ll be able to survive this attempt?”.

I’m not sure whether you need to rephrase that ^_^

3) When you ask Aaron to join you instead of Lana:
Aaron: Very well. Then, do your best.
-> He wouldn’t say that to the group he’s staying on with right? I reckon that it probably was the direct translation from Japanese. Maybe “let’s do our best” would work better here.

I’ve checked that Scenarios 17(17), 18(31) and 18(33) are the variations of the same scenario. So the typos found are:
4) Prologue: With Langrisser still not having having achieved its full power…
-> double having
5) Erwin seems to have forgotten how to spell Rohga’s name and confused the positions of ‘g’ and ‘h’… These typos are at least found at:

a) The beginning of the scenario - Erwin: Is that Rogha leading the enemy search party…? Yes, it is Rogha!

b) Turn 2: Rogha …!

Yup, I think that’s it for now. How many hours do we have before our ‘test reporting abilities’ are halted?

This one looks pretty good. I’ve already gone through tons of dialogue and only saw a couple of things, and one of them I’m not even sure it’s an issue.

That one is when Leon says, “We shall reclaim / Alhazard for His Majesty!” I could just swear there’s a double space between “for” and “His.”

The other one is Egbert talking to Boser,

I know not how our might
compares with the Descendants’
you fought in the past.

Followed by something to the tune of: but we’re gonna kick your ass. The sentence basically says Boser fought the Descendants’ Might, which is weird. I think it’d be grammatically correct if he said: “… compares with that of the Descendants you’ve fought in the past,” but I can’t see how to fit that in three lines.

Chaos hasn’t made an appearance yet. I’ll get back with that later today.

There is a small error at the end of this scenario, after you win the battle.

Liana says: “But, after we end Bernhardt, only the descendants of Light remain. I look forward to them.”

Shouldn’t she say crush/kill/etc. Bernhardt? End sounds somewhat… strange. Also, shouldn’t remain have “will” or “shall” in front of it? It seems like that would make the sentence sound a little neater. In fact, while I’m nitpicking, can’t something be put before “them” as well? Making the final sentence

But, after we crush Bernhardt, only the descendants of Light shall remain. I look forward to facing them.

The last two suggestions are minor, but “end Bernhardt” is just awkward. I used crush instead of defeat because Erwin uses the term defeat a line later.

Some typos when you finish this scenario, but these may have already been fixed according to your latest post (about clearing up spelling errors in the script). Anyway:

1) Erwin: Everyone close to me dies… I can’t protect anyone.1 <- punctuation error

2) Keith: They enemy has been quiet…
-> The

1. At the beginning of Scenario 75: “With the Prince of Darkness / collapsed in the last battle,” collapsed -> vanquished. Collapse sounds weird for a person.

2. I don’t know if this is fixable: “You obtain a Amulet.” That should be “an” Amulet, if it’s at all adjustable. It happens at least twice in this scenario.

Scenario 76’s commanders seem to be very familiar with the rest of the cast …

3. Beginning of Scenario 76: “Their minds fixed on combat, the / Descendants of Light renamed the / castle to the ‘Clashing Castle.’” Too many castles. Consider:

Their minds fixed on combat,
the Descendants of Light renamed
it the 'Clashing Castle.'

4. Vargas says about the late Lester: “He fought bravely in his final moments.” In -> to.

5. A commander reacts to Vargas’ news with the following: “Lester …” Sounds too personal. Maybe Master Lester, or Captain, Lord, Sir, et cetera.

6. Bernhardt makes an appearance, gives a speech; a commander appears out of nowhere to say a line, battle the Kaiser, and die. I don’t like the commander’s line: “You want us to shake / hands and forget / you killed our friends?” The commander’s friends? Don’t think so. Suggestion: ” … and forget all / the lives you’ve taken?”

7. Then this commander dies and says: “Hah … hah,” which is weird. Another commander says the same death quote, too.

8. Egbert, later: “I’d rather avoid this, / but we need to liberate / the shrine maidens.” Liberate is pretty vivid, but wrong; the maidens are not in captivity. “Locate” might be better.

9. A commander, when attacking me: “All the way here!” Huh? A simple “Charge!” would fit better IMO.

10. A commander death quote: “Cherie … / I’m sorry.” That’s Princess Cherie to you, buster.

11. A commander: “It’s sickening / to think I called you / an ally, Erwin!” -> “It’s sickening to / think this Erwin once / fought beside our Princess!”

12. A commander: “And anyway there’s / no reason flee / from the likes of you!” I don’t remember the exact context, but my notes are clear I thought that last “you” should be a “them.” Hmm, it’s kind of coming back. I think Cherie asks the commanders to leave, and she gets this response.

Next up, the End!

1. Beginning of the final Scenario in this branch, 77: “Within the Castle walls, / missions, emotions and ideals / will clash on the battlefield.” I’m not sure, but it looks like there are two locations for the action in this sentence. Argh, I can’t quite put my finger on it. Maybe just moving the first sentence fragment to the end would make it better (missions … / will clash … / within …).

2. Still at the beginning: “After this final battle, the / fate of El Sallia will lie in / the hands of the victor.” Again, I can’t quite explain what’s wrong with this one, but the spider-sense is definitely tingling (no, haven’t seen Spidey 3). And a re-ordreing of the lines might be in order here, too: “The fate of El Sallia will / lie in the hands of the victor / of this final battle.”

3. A commander’s death quote: “I can’t die … / My kingdom.” Change my to the. “My” sounds as if he thinks he’s the king.

4. Egbert, at the end, rhetorically speaking: “Please rest in peace and leave this world to our hands.” To our hands? I’d go with “in.”

5. Erwin has fantasies about the twins (*cough* stop projecting *cough*): “Now, you’ll be / coming with me.” Comma not needed.

Ending cut-scene.

6. Egbert: “After uniting the continent, / we can seal the Dark Blade / so such a catastrophe never / happens again.” What catastrophe? The birth of the Empire? I suggest: ” … we can seal Alhazard / so the Darkness never / rises again.” Not very good, I know.

7. Erwin: “I will to work to benefit / the continent, and to ensure / this era remains free of war.” Cut the first “to.”

8. Rohga says he’s leaving, Hein tells him he’s welcome to come back if he feels like it. Rohga replies: “But, if I do change my mind, / I might show up to make your / life miserable for a while!” The “but” is not needed, unless there’s an ending where Hein doesn’t interrupt. Also, life -> lives, as Rohga is talking to both Hein and Erwin.

9. Two commanders in a port town say nearly identical, consecutive lines. To wit:

“Disperse and strike! / If we beat these guys, / this port will be ours!”
“Get them! / If we can get past these guys, / all the booty will be ours!”

I’d say change the second one to: “Get them! / They’re the only thing that’s / keeping us from the booty!” Or something.

10. Leon: “If you fools who are looking for a swift end, then by all means, keep fighting!” Delete the “who.”

11. Erwin’s epilogue: “With both great Langrisser / and the dreaded Alhazard, / the Empire was invincible.” Is it “the” great Langrisser?

12. Hein’s epilogue: “One can scarcely imagine / how powerful he has become.” Has become, or had become? Is Hein still alive?

13. Now I’m being REALLY picky. Rohga’s epilogue:

Grief-stricken, Rohga parted
with Erwin and allies
for his own reasons and left on
a journey to the world's edge.

Move for to the previous line.

14. Imelda’s epilogue: “Despite her beautiful and showy / appearance, the General’s / cold and merciless nature held / her command over her division.” Held her command? I truly don’t know what this sentence is trying to get across.

15. Vargas’ epilogue:

Due to his heroic use of his
own body as a shield to protect
his comrades, nobody had died
except for himself ...

Worded funny, don’t you think? Also, “nobody had died” is probably wrong. How about:

Vargas heroically used his own
body as a shield to protect his
comrades, saving everyone's
lives except his own ...

Das Ende!

Here’s some stuff I’ve picked up:

1) The secret tile appears like this:

Releasing the anchor
Caused a chain to drop.
-> the ‘C’ should be in lower case.

2) During the scenario, Erwin and Imelda have a conversation:

Imelda: Haven’t I told you?
Imelda: Alhazard’s revival was His Majesty’s last request!
Erwin: What? Why would the Kaiser want Alhazard unsealed?
Imelda: I, I did it… <-Huh?

-> I don’t understand why she would say that though….
3) When you finish the scenario, the villagers thank you and let you use their boats. And they seem to fear that you didn’t catch on as they seem to say it again:

Villager: You probably need to use the ships too, right?
Villager: It’s not much, but we’ll lend them to you. Make good use of them.
Hein: Imelda’s troops… are committing atrocities…
Cherie: Hurry, Erwin! To Velzeria!
Villager: You probably need to use the ships too, right?
Villager: It’s not much, but we’ll lend them to you. Make good use of them.
Erwin: Thank you.
Erwin: All right, hurry up, everyone!

-> I’m not sure whether it’s a mistranslation or some sort of bug. I’ll send in the save ^_^

Am in the lab. Found a typo in Turn 2:

Erwin: Stop it, Lana. Boser is alread dead, isn’t he?

-> already

I don’t think I’ll be able to finish the game by this week though… I’ve got an exam this Wednesday.. But I’ll try my best to play in between here and there and cover as many scnearios as I can. Thanks for the great work so far~!

1. At the beginning of the battle, Böser brags about how Alhazard’s power will make him rule the world, or something, then Leon says: “One can only hold the sword for a short while.” Why does he say that? After that, follows: “Take Alhazard for His Majesty!” which is perfectly understandable. If forced to give a suggestion, maybe the first line can be something like: “Your pleasure will be short-lived.”

2. Egbert: “I have no idea how our strength stacks up to the Descendants’. // We’ll just have to find that out with our swords.” I don’t know about swords. Weapons? Find that out the hard way? Also, why do they talk about the Descendants at all? Are they supposed to have a better time of beating Böser than Erwin and co.? Chalk this one up to my ignorance, I guess.

3. Esto, before attacking: “Master Böser!” Maybe: “For Master Böser!”

4. A Vampire Lord, upon being attacked: “Why are you opposing me? Don’t you know my strength?” Sounds awful self-conscious for a no-name commander. I suggest changing it to plural.

5. A Vampire Lord doesn’t use the Creepy font while saying: “I commend your efforts in reaching here.”

6. At the end, Laird: “The two shrine maidens / were taken under my watch. / I beg your forgiveness!” Taken just sounds incomplete. Maybe rescued / reclaimed / taken back. “The two shrine maidens” could be shortened to “Both shrine maidens” if necessary and sufficient.

7. Still talking about the maidens, Leon: “In any case the two of you will retrieve it.” Wha? Does he mean, “we have to retrieve the two of them?”