Rest of 55, ending.
I’m very sorry for the time. I found very few things.
1. “Humans, humans … / Just accept the inevitable / and allow me my victory!” This is said by a Vampire. Should be in Creepy font and less personal. Consider: “… Just accept the inevitable, / Master Boser will rule all!”
2. Boser talks about the humans in Sonya’s village, “they believed a half-demon / caused an imaginary plague …” Was the plague not real? Suggest “devastating,” just to suggest something :/
3. Boser: “Bah hah hah! / What a bunch of faggots” This is said at the end of a dialog with Egbert, and is repeated at the end of another dialog with Vargas. It might be intentional.
4. Vargas: “Corrupting this world / won’t protect my beloved / wife and daughter!” Uhm, duh? If you think about it a little bit, you realise it’s a pretty bad sentence. “I won’t let my beloved / wife and daughter glimpse / your corrupted world!” perhaps.
5. During the ending sequence, Rohga still says “make your life miserable” instead of “lives.”
THANKS!
June 8th, 2007 at 4:02 am
Ummm… weren’t beta test reports supposed to be done by yesterday or 2 days ago? Just sayin…
June 9th, 2007 at 9:46 pm
Yeah, I was late. I wrote it on the 6th and D published it on the 7th.