Scenarios 75 & 76 (Imperial)
1. At the beginning of Scenario 75: “With the Prince of Darkness / collapsed in the last battle,” collapsed -> vanquished. Collapse sounds weird for a person.
2. I don’t know if this is fixable: “You obtain a Amulet.” That should be “an” Amulet, if it’s at all adjustable. It happens at least twice in this scenario.
Scenario 76’s commanders seem to be very familiar with the rest of the cast …
3. Beginning of Scenario 76: “Their minds fixed on combat, the / Descendants of Light renamed the / castle to the ‘Clashing Castle.’” Too many castles. Consider:
Their minds fixed on combat, the Descendants of Light renamed it the 'Clashing Castle.'
4. Vargas says about the late Lester: “He fought bravely in his final moments.” In -> to.
5. A commander reacts to Vargas’ news with the following: “Lester …” Sounds too personal. Maybe Master Lester, or Captain, Lord, Sir, et cetera.
6. Bernhardt makes an appearance, gives a speech; a commander appears out of nowhere to say a line, battle the Kaiser, and die. I don’t like the commander’s line: “You want us to shake / hands and forget / you killed our friends?” The commander’s friends? Don’t think so. Suggestion: ” … and forget all / the lives you’ve taken?”
7. Then this commander dies and says: “Hah … hah,” which is weird. Another commander says the same death quote, too.
8. Egbert, later: “I’d rather avoid this, / but we need to liberate / the shrine maidens.” Liberate is pretty vivid, but wrong; the maidens are not in captivity. “Locate” might be better.
9. A commander, when attacking me: “All the way here!” Huh? A simple “Charge!” would fit better IMO.
10. A commander death quote: “Cherie … / I’m sorry.” That’s Princess Cherie to you, buster.
11. A commander: “It’s sickening / to think I called you / an ally, Erwin!” -> “It’s sickening to / think this Erwin once / fought beside our Princess!”
12. A commander: “And anyway there’s / no reason flee / from the likes of you!” I don’t remember the exact context, but my notes are clear I thought that last “you” should be a “them.” Hmm, it’s kind of coming back. I think Cherie asks the commanders to leave, and she gets this response.
Next up, the End!
June 5th, 2007 at 8:16 am
All taken care of.
June 5th, 2007 at 12:29 pm
4. Vargas says about the late Lester: “He fought bravely in his final moments.” In -> to.
Debatable. I’d say either leave it as “in” (which implies he was not brave until those final moments, so it’s problematic), or else change it to something which implies that he was brave throughout.
June 5th, 2007 at 2:16 pm
How did you fix “You obtained a {tag}.”?
I’d recommend dropping ‘a’ or rephrasing, such as “{tag} was obtained.”
June 5th, 2007 at 3:23 pm
I dumped the You part. It was different from every other Obtained line in the game. It now just says “Obtained a _____.” Yes. A/An is still wrong, but hell if I care.
June 5th, 2007 at 4:38 pm
4. I think Vargas would be capable of recognising Lester’s bravery. That’s why I don’t like the “in.” How about “till”?
June 5th, 2007 at 4:39 pm
Lemme get my foot out o’ my mouth :/
June 6th, 2007 at 4:58 am
Meh … please just drop ‘a’ as well. “Obtained Amulet.”, “Obtained Chain Mail.” — both sound fine.
June 6th, 2007 at 8:05 am
I have done it for the generic one.
How about the other item drops? Want me to make every single Obtained line the same? Those ones are hard-written into the scripts, not automatically generated. I suppose if we do that, I could make them all “_______ was obtained.”