Imperial 18 (74)
1. At the beginning of the battle, Böser brags about how Alhazard’s power will make him rule the world, or something, then Leon says: “One can only hold the sword for a short while.” Why does he say that? After that, follows: “Take Alhazard for His Majesty!” which is perfectly understandable. If forced to give a suggestion, maybe the first line can be something like: “Your pleasure will be short-lived.”
2. Egbert: “I have no idea how our strength stacks up to the Descendants’. // We’ll just have to find that out with our swords.” I don’t know about swords. Weapons? Find that out the hard way? Also, why do they talk about the Descendants at all? Are they supposed to have a better time of beating Böser than Erwin and co.? Chalk this one up to my ignorance, I guess.
3. Esto, before attacking: “Master Böser!” Maybe: “For Master Böser!”
4. A Vampire Lord, upon being attacked: “Why are you opposing me? Don’t you know my strength?” Sounds awful self-conscious for a no-name commander. I suggest changing it to plural.
5. A Vampire Lord doesn’t use the Creepy font while saying: “I commend your efforts in reaching here.”
6. At the end, Laird: “The two shrine maidens / were taken under my watch. / I beg your forgiveness!” Taken just sounds incomplete. Maybe rescued / reclaimed / taken back. “The two shrine maidens” could be shortened to “Both shrine maidens” if necessary and sufficient.
7. Still talking about the maidens, Leon: “In any case the two of you will retrieve it.” Wha? Does he mean, “we have to retrieve the two of them?”
June 3rd, 2007 at 4:37 am
Hi, I think this scenario shares the same script as the one jsuk reported an assload of errors in earlier. I would like to test if the lines are any different with the fixed script.
Thanks.